We All Fall Down

Maria Bamford is easily my favorite and most admired comic.
Not only is she a woman in a competitive industry, but she doesn't give in to stereotypes to be there.

Maria Bamford is how I see myself when I'm in my 40's - still not stable, having relationship troubles, having to prove myself to everyone around me 24/7, and masking my neuroses under the guise of a pleasant and quirky professional.

I don't know how, but she does it. Every day.
She has never come out with a true diagnosis, but she claims to suffer from depression and anxiety: two symptoms of my bipolar disorder.

When I see someone like her get defeated, I understand. Some days, insults, slander, slurs, jokes, criticisms, and irritants just roll off my back and I never think about them again. Some days, the slightest murmur can tear me to pieces. It's impossible to predict, though a pattern might be developing.

While I understand her defeat, I do not accept it. I get upset that she's not stronger by now; she should have become accustomed to it. She is a face that represents mood disorders, doesn't she know that everyone is watching?

Of course, I'm being hypocritical; this is what everyone else is thinking. None of that helps.
Perhaps she has become accustomed to defeat, and that is the worst part.

Obviously I don't speak for her. But what amazes me the most is that she hasn't given up. For a short while she had to take a breather. Most people in entertainment do this, but hers was highly publicized in the comic community because of how she got there. It just happened to be one of those unpredictable days when something trivial gets under your skin and infects your mental stability with doubt and uncertainty. The infection spreads throughout your mind and into your very core. Once it's there, it takes over, and the person you are now sharing a brain with is not you; it's your infection.

When I see someone like Maria Bamford fall, I wonder how I will ever handle a world outside of psychiatrists' offices.



Then I remember: who cares? She's fucking hilarious!